Ranking the World's Most Dangerous Cyclists

I cycle, for exercise, and for relaxation.  I live in the Swiss countryside near Geneva, and so every Spring I pull on stretchy elastic tights and mount up.   (Fnarr.) I then trundle around the local roads, puffing wheezily up the local colls (Passes) in an effort to fight the fucking useless metabolism that nature foisted on me.  (Ate a million calories every day until i was 35, and stayed as thin as a stick.  Age 35 the fat fairy came to visit, and I've been 15 kilos heavier ever since.) 

Most of the cycling population of Switzerland is doing it for sporting reasons, and you see all of these spry 60 year old men zipping along on their racing bikes, looking tanned and happy, smoking a Gauloise and drinking white wine out of their water bottle.  (OK, I made that last bit up, but they do stop in the cafes at the top of the hills and drink beer, to fortify them for the dizzying descents...)

There is a different class of cyclist though - the commuting cyclist, and I though I should rank them according to the danger that they offer to the unwary pedestrian.

1. Japan.  Very silent.  Allowed to share the pavement.  Cycle closer to you than they perhaps should, rely greatly on the pedestrians sticking to the same line that they are currently on.  Hint:  when veering over the pavement in Japan, look over shoulder first.

2. Holland.  Have own lanes.  The Dutch as a nation are fair minded, and huge.  Holland is the country in the world where I do not stand out as being tall.  Not sure why this should be?  Good diet?  Hardly.  White bread, cheese and milk are not considered to be a balanced diet, even if eaten three times a day.  Will cycle relentlessly towards you, and would be dangerous except for one saving factor.  It is a law in Holland that all bicycles should be: twenty years old at least, made of cast iron, and designed to be almost impossible to pedal from the sitting position that they force the rider to adopt. 

Denmark.  the Danish have one over-riding national characteristic - overwhelming bloody minded conviction of their own rightness on any given issue.  This makes the cyclists terrifying.  They will cycle at top speed through the pavements of Copenhagen (in the assigned lane, they are a law abiding people.) and God help the foreigner who accidentally steps into the lane without noticing, as they will be mown down by an enraged mob of Danish Socialists who are not enjoying cycling along in the fierce wind and rain streaming off the North Sea, and would like to share this displeasure with you.    The defense to this is of course to get a plane to Stockholm.